Death to ambition
Last week, I went to Integrity’s Songwriter’s conference. I sat and listened to accomplished and accredited artists and executives tell a herd of hungry novices how to get from where we are to where they are… where we should supposedly want to be. And, up until this week, I almost always would have jumped at any opportunity to get to that stage. In my heart of hearts, I believe I belong there. I believe I’m called there. But, God hasn’t gotten me there yet…
On the way up to Estes Park, Dana and I talked in great length about ambition. We talked about how hard it is to balance stewardship with dreams and ambition. Is it a sign of dissatisfaction to yearn for more than I’ve been given? Am I selfish for wanting greater opportunities? Am I prideful? Am I calloused? Is my heart truly broken?
The “Christian” music industry is not all that different than the Secular one. It is built on relationships and relativity. If the right person gets the right vibe from the right track on the right CD or at the right show, there’s no telling how far you can go. I like that. I like the sovereignty of that. I like the fact that He’s on the throne of that. But, I have a hard time trusting God to open the ears of those “right people”. And, it really does feel like those “right people” aren’t interested in hearing what God is doing in and through my music, which makes me question whether God is interested… and then I feel like a jerk for despising his plans for me.
Often, I find myself pushing against the machine… yelling at the top of my lungs to whoever will listen to the merits of my accomplishments. And, I really don’t think that it is pleasing to God.  In fact, I think it is offensive to Him. I think His plans for me are better than anything I can manipulate in the industry. What God plans, He gets accomplished.
Michael Neale made a life-changing statement to me last week. He was talking about this very tension I’m describing… the desire for the music the Lord gives you to be shared with masses of people and the frustration of not knowing how to help make that happen.
He said this: “You can’t be faithful to opportunities you do not have. You can’t steward what isn’t yours.”
Burn.
So, I say, “Death to ambition!” My eyes are finding their focus on the things I currently have been given leadership over. It’s not my job to change the Christian music industry. I’m not a part of it… yet. My dreams of what may one day come to pass should not circumvent my responsibility to the people God has called me to lead. My greatest ambition needs to be faithfulness to what He has asked me to do.
That’s no easy task. And, I need you, my friends and family to help me stay focused on that ideal. So, if you sense me looking too far ahead into the future of what may very well happen, snap at me and remind me of my calling today. I’m reminded of the instance in Acts 1 where the disciples are looking up into the sky to try their best to hold on to their last fleeting image of a disappearing Jesus. Two white-robed men snapped them back into reality, reminding them that they had a job to do today, and that what was to happen in the future would happen in God’s timing, and at His whim… not theirs.
Do that for me. Remind me of my current location and calling.
I believe that faithfulness is the currency of God’s economy. He deals in it. He respects it. He rewards it. He pours favor onto those who live in it. Death to ambition! Life is found in faithfulness.
Peace.